The Pros and Cons of Using “The Family Pastor” to do Your Wedding Ceremony
Many couples do not realize just how wonderful and amazing the wedding ceremony can be. Others see the ceremony as something to get through so they can get to the party! We sometimes hear that couples did not realize they had options.
Many couples we talk to about their wedding tell us they are going to use the minister of the church where their mother or grandparents attend, or they are going to ask the youth minister from their childhood. There are many good reasons to use a minister from the “family church” or with whom you have history. There are also some pitfalls to doing so.
Pros
1. If you are still affiliated with the congregation or the faith, you share a common theology. You know your beliefs will be represented and what your ceremony is based upon.
2. When you use the youth minister, or the minister from the church where you grew up, they know you and you already have an emotional and spiritual connection. You share history, they get you as an individual.
3. Your ceremony will be comfortable, familiar to you if the minister is of the same faith tradition as you.
4. Parish ministers often offer marriage ceremonies to the members of their congregation at no charge. If you do not attend, but parents or grandparents do, it might be a smaller fee than if you don’t know anyone in their congregation.
5. Your extended family will be comfortable when their minister is doing your ceremony, even when you do not share theology or history with the minister. You have made Grandma or your parents happy!
Cons
1. You may not have a lot of input into what goes into your ceremony. Parish ministers often are bound by their faith community and ordination to the type of ceremony they can offer you. You may have a ceremony straight out of their liturgy with it being adapted to your personal faith or relationship.
2. If you use parents or grandparents minister you may not share theology and not have the ceremony you want. They may include elements into the ceremony that you don’t expect.
3. Congregation based ministers often require premarital counselling that is more faith based than you are interested in.
4. A parish minister may not have the knowledge of a large selection of unity ceremonies available to today’s couples.
5. You may not be able to have the themed ceremony you wanted. Parish based ministers have to juggle their time between your wedding, committee meetings, teaching, writing sermons, visiting the shut in and doing other pastoral care activities. They seldom have the 20 or more hours to put into a truly customized unique couple centered ceremony.
6. You may have changed beliefs since your days as a member of the youth group.
7. The youth group minister or minister from your childhood only has knowledge of one of you, only one of you share a history with this minister, unless you both grew up in the same church.
8. You may not be able to blend faith traditions in your ceremony if you come from different faith backgrounds.
9. Parish ministers get moved by the leadership of their denominations or change churches with limited notice. When this happens they frequently can’t return to their previous congregation for a predetermined length of time.
10. If you have not directly spoken with and planned with your family member’s minister, you can’t be certain that you have an officiant!
11. Many parish ministers will not perform marriages for anyone not a member of their congregation.
12. Most parish ministers don’t utilize a contract to spell out what a couple can expect from them and what they expect from the couple.
While there are times where using the parish minister to perform your ceremony is exactly the right choice for you, there may be times you want to consider all of our options. We would love to meet with you so you can make an informed decision regarding who you want to perform your wedding ceremony. Give us a call to schedule a meeting to learn more about how you can get exactly the ceremony you want--336-259-7236.
